Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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