your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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