This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
