I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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