I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
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