I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this boner is exhausting
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
