just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
