apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
