i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
