my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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