i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
