When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
