Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
