its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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