I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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