I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
