The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
