the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
