In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
try to milk me bitch
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