you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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