Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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