How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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