Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
