Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
