Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
