The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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