I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
