There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
