her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
