there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
