He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
