my vag is so smooth its legendary
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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