the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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