It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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