also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
