We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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