i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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