it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
