I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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