You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
