So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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