I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
