Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
