Cold hands, warm shart.
My cat gives me a boner
Fuck appropriateness.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
