I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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