This girl is more easily done than said...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize