I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wow bdsm is so cute
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