it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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