my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
