I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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