So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
