I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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