Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
