Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
