if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
