yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He kissed a someone with a penis
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
