she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
