So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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