I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
