My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
