you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
