god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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