I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
