kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
