All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
