He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
