She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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