He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
