But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
