Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You took a bar mat shot.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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