Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
