Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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