I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
